in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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