bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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