My brain says no but my pants say off.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
