U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
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hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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