apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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