i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
