Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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