guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize