Cold hands, warm shart.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
