Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
