My hand turned me down
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
