can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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