No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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