I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
