The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
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Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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