Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
