He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
