I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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