So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
