btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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