Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
