Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
