I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
