$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
