I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
