Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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