I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
