Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
one might say we're banned from that church
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Randomize
