Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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