Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
