this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
