How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
