Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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