I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize