He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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