u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
