Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
