His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
