So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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