I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
