So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
