i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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