So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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