If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
