im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
