My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
