There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
