Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
