no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
