I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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