I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
