awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
