she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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