i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You did what with his pubic hair?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize