My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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