So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
