remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
