I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
