$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He did a backflip because drugs
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