I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
