yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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