So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
