So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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