So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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