Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
