i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We talked him into tasing himself.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
