I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
