Betty ford says i'm here all night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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