What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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