I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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