you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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