wanna go halves on a baby?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
